Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Little Frustrating

I am not easily offended. I've come to accept the fact that I will probably never carry a baby to full-term (ie. 40 weeks). Because of my chronic hypertension, I am (and will probably always be) considered a high-risk pregnancy. I know what it feels like to be thankful for every day that I'm pregnant. But there are times that I hear women complain about their pregnancies, and the devil on my shoulder thinks, "Bitch, if you only knew!" And the angel on my shoulder thinks, "What a blessing, thank your lucky stars!"

There is a part of me, though, that thinks that I would never take that innocence away from her. Because the alternative, being on this side of the statistics, outliving a child, writing a blog dedicated to my dead son . . . I would much rather be running around with my menacing and adorable 19-month-old.

Okay, now help me off my soapbox . . . I'm getting old! :)


Courtney said...

I know what you mean. Time and time again I will see friends bitch and moan about their pregnancy and I have to seriously walk away in fear of what I will say to them.

Thinking of all of you

Paige said...

I think you are having a normal reaction to complaining just like any other mother that has lost a child. I have a hard time as well when people are complaining about being up all night, not getting out of the house, being fat.....after losing my sweet girl I would have taken this any day. ANd now that I have another baby girl- I REJOICE in all things!!

Holly said...

That's one of the things that bothered me when I was in the due date group with other ladies while I was carrying Carleigh. They complained about the stupidest things and I kept thinking I wish I only had to worry about reflux or whatever else! I would've gladly put up with all that crap if Carleigh could've lived.

Jill said...

I have come across pregnant women a few times saying they wish they would go into labor early or can't stand being pregnant anymore. I just want to scream that ALL I want is to have been pregnant longer. My babies would probably still be here if they were given a few more weeks in my womb. People are just naive and ignorant. I too was one of those people and now I get so upset when I hear people complain.

Erika said...

i can so relate to this. many many many hugs to you. fb drives me nuts, too- i think i will quit and then i don't. it's interesting what a little perspective can do for a person!


SUSI said...

People just don't get it. I am 36 weeks pregnant right now and people keep on asking me if I am sick and tired of being pregnant at this point. What a question is that? Heck no...I love being pregnant and everything that comes with it. I love having my little guy inside of me since I feel that it is the only safe place for him. I am scared that once he is out, I will have to say good bye again like I had to with Lucas.

Ashly said...

Hey. I just found your blog (again) tonight and we live very close to each other! I live in Cumming, GA!

Our son Brooks passed away in 9/08 1 week before his due date. I also now have a daughter who is about to be 5 months old. Grief is crazy! and it's even crazier when you have another baby. So thankful and so sad all at the same time!

I must say...your son is so gorgeous! He's such a cutie! I read about your 6 days with him. Very precious and very heartbreaking.

Just wanted to say hi since we are neighbors and have both lost our firstborn sons.

my blog is

Talk to you later!