Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Jealousy

I hate feeling that. I hate that when I hear that somebody's baby is coming home from the NICU, the first thing that I think is not, "That's great, that's amazing, God is good!"

Rather, the first thought that comes into my head is, "That's not fair. Dylan never got to come home. We never had that moment. The doctors and the nurses never got excited for us."

I hate feeling that.

7 comments:

Ashley D said...

I feel so guilty for feeling the same thing. No lie.

Franchesca Cox said...

I couldn't have said it any better. I wish none of us knew this jealousy, but you're definitely not alone :(

Holly said...

I'm sure you are happy they are taking their baby home but it's hard not to think about your own baby who didn't get that same thing and the unfairness of it all. How can you not think of that?

Jericho said...

You're not alone...its hard not to feel that way. and we understand. *hug*

Anonymous said...

Yup, I "hate" those babies that survive surgical correction of the heart defect my daughter had. Why not her? Why was she not even diagnosed before death? Honestly, I am not happy for them though I know I "should" be. I am just pissed that my daughter wasn't so lucky. Oh well, can only expect so much from a grieving mom.
-- Olivia

Sara said...

My husband and I just had this conversation. Know that you are not alone.
Hugs to you.

Helena said...

I have felt that too. I couldn't seem to shake it (even tho' I tried) until I had my Joseph. Then all those feelings went away. Now I struggle to conquer all my other negative thoughts that always try to get into my head. There's always something, my dear!