I still cry occasionally, but it becomes less and less frequent. I think of Dylan everyday, but rather than hold on to the pain, I celebrate his life. I sit and stare at our many pictures of him with fondness, remembering our handsome son. How cute his feet were. How soft his spiky hair was. How tight his grip was. How amazing it was to stare into his beautiful eyes.
I realize how much this experience has shaped me. I realize the kind of strength it takes. I realize the kind of man I’m privileged to be married to. I realize the burden that we’ve been blessed (yes, blessed) with.
I always tell Justin that this happened to us for a reason. God knew we could handle this, that not every parent can, and that we would come out of this better people than we went into it. The things Dylan has taught us have been priceless. Faith, Strength, Hope. Everything that I am now, I owe to my son.
Closing Thoughts of the Day
“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow.
A husband who loses a wife is called a widower.
A child who loses his parents is called an orphan.
But . . . there is no word for a parent who loses a child,
that's how awful the loss is!”
“Can you please,
remind me how you feel?
This emptiness is real,
I can't bear the thought of it.
And please, remind me how to smile,
I lost track after awhile.
Is happiness so hard to get?”
--Butch Walker (song lyrics)