Monday, August 17, 2009

Woman on the Verge of Tears

I have a lump in my throat. It's there all the time. ALL THE TIME. My new existence can be summed up as this: sudden outbursts of crying may occur. Yes, it sounds like a prescription drug commercial, but the truth is, grief does have all these side-effects (tears, sadness, anger, disinterest, etc.). I never know when the next outbreak will occur. It could be triggered by a certain smell; a certain note in a song; a picture; a sweet letter or e-mail from a friend; a smile from my newborn; a certain day of the month; a sad look on my husband's face. At any time, on any day, I can lose it. Now, the one upside of being a year(+) out already is that I can pull myself together afterward.

Some days are better and more bearable than others. Some events are still happy too. There's just that lump in my throat, and it's just too bad there's not a magic drug for it.


Paige said...

thank you so much for your honesty-I am expecting my second baby girl after losing my first at 36 weeks. most blogs i read make everything seem like life is fine and dandy, but I can't help to think that having my precious sweet girl with me will make me miss my Tatum even more. praying for your peace!

Sara said...

I know what you mean. There are times I just sit and cry because I miss my Samuel so much. I know that you miss Dylan - and I know that the birth of a new baby doesn't make the pain of a lost child go away. For me, and it sounds like for you, it has intensified just how much I miss my son.

God bless. Many hugs for you.