Auld Lang Syne

As we ring in the New Year, saying goodbye to 2008 will be bittersweet. While this year was filled with hardship, tears, and despair, it also marks the birth of our sweet Dylan. May the memories of this year, both bitter and sweet, stay on our minds and in our hearts always and forever.

March

April June

October

I Am Blessed

This is my husband (Hottie McHotterson):

And this is why I love, admire, and respect him (an e-mail he sent last night):

If ever you needed proof that God exists, just look upon one of his Angels and see for yourself.

Merry Christmas to you all!

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God."

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

Luke 1:26-38

As God's Gabriel serves as his messenger, our Dylan Gabriel serves God's message to us.

Six Months Ago . . .

. . . Dylan earned his wings. I would say that it was the most heart-wrenching day of my life, but all I remember was the peace. For me, the harder day was a few days after Dylan’s birthday, when we found out that all the doctors could do was "keep him comfortable and let nature take its course". To be told that all hope was lost was absolutely devastating. I never saw this coming, but I guess that’s part of the journey.

I have to believe that the few days we had with him after that was God giving us the time to find that peace. During that time, we questioned and were angry at God. We certainly weren’t thinking about how blessed we were to have to say goodbye to our son, all of that has happened in retrospect.

But by the morning of June 17th, that peace had entered our minds and our hearts and we were ready to let Dylan go. It was quite possibly the quietest and most peaceful moment of my life. I remember the sun blazing into the hospital room window. I had Dylan on my heart, my hand on his head, and Justin right next to us. Perfect. Peace.

Some Borrowed Writing

Don't Say Anything
Author Unknown

Don't tell me "things happen for a reason."
Don't tell me to "keep busy" and "move on."
Don't tell me that you "know how I feel."

Don't tell me that it was "too hard" for YOU
to talk to ME about the death of MY baby boy.

Don't tell me that YOU feel "uncomfortable"
looking at his picture or calling me on his birthday.

Don't SAY anything to try to make me feel better.

Hug me.
Listen to me.
Sit quietly with me.
Let me cry.
Smile when you look at his picture.
Help me plant a tree in his memory.
Allow me to sit in the rocking chair in the nursery.
Light a candle.
Release a balloon.
Walk with me on my journey.
Remember him forever.

Road Less Travelled

Today, I am 30. When I look back at the timeline I thought I’d be on, I always imagined that I’d have children by 30. And sure, nothing takes away from the fact that I had Dylan and that he is, and will always be, our firstborn. Still, being a parent without a child is inexplicable except to those who live it. This isn’t the road I expected to be on, but it is the one less travelled and what a difference that has made in my life.

Some Borrowed Writing

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference