Bit of Wisdom

One of the readings at church this past Sunday (really struck a cord with me):

Wisdom 1:13-15; 2:23-24

God did not make death,
nor does he rejoice in the destruction of the living.
For he fashioned all things that they might have being;
and the creatures of the world are wholesome,
and there is not a destructive drug among them
nor any domain of the netherworld on earth,
for justice is undying.
For God formed man to be imperishable;
the image of his own nature he made him.
But by the envy of the devil, death entered the world,
and they who belong to his company experience it.

Under the Tree - June

"Under the Tree" is a discussion spot for babyloss mothers started by Carly from Love Reign Over Me.

Okay, so obviously I'm a little behind in posting this one, but it looked like fun, so I still wanted to participate!


Hair Color: Dark Brown

Eye color: Dark Brown

Profession: Mommy and Promotions Coordinator at a local TV station

Relationship status: Happily Married


My Favorites:

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite movie: "Knocked Up"

Favorite animal: Non-domestic? Probably whales (kind of a random one, I know, but I fell in love with the Belugas at the Georgia Aquarium)

Favorite store: Banana Republic

Favorite childhood memory: Being a huge tomboy and always trying to keep up with what the boys were doing

Favorite hobby: Writing and Photography

Favorite song/singer: "Paul Revere" by the Beastie Boys / John Mayer

Favorite book/author: "Great Gatsby" / Edgar Allan Poe

Favorite school subject: Newspaper/Journalism

Favorite vacation destination: Maui, where we went for our honeymoon; or Destin, FL where we go every year

Favorite food: Salmon, Spaghetti/Lasagna (preferably mom's), or chocolate

Favorite restaurant: Trader Vics


This or That:

Coke or Pepsi: Coke

Beer or wine: Either, depends on my mood

Coffee or tea: Tea, preferably sweet and iced!

Apple Juice or O.J.: OJ

Summer or Winter: Can I say Fall?

Cats or dogs: Dogs

Salty or sweet: Both!

Plane or boat: Plane

Morning or night: Night

Money or love: No question, LOVE!

Breakfast or dinner: Dinner

Forgiveness or revenge: Forgiveness

House or apartment: House

Like to cook: Not really, so I married a great cook!


Have You Ever:

Got a speeding ticket: Yes

Wished you were someone else: I'm sure I have

Cried during a movie: Uh, can you say "Steel Magnolias"?

Describe yourself in one word: Complicated

Biggest fear: I'm not afraid of anything anymore, other than losing another child

Biggest mistake: My ex?

Your proudest accomplishment: Carrying and Having Dylan, and how I've carried myself in the aftermath

Dream job: Wedding Coordinator or Wedding Photographer

Special talents: Video-editing

Where would you rather be at the moment: At the Beach

Famous person you want to meet: Orlando Bloom

Song to be played at your funeral: "One Sweet Day" Mariah Carey/Boyz II Men

What To Expect When You're Expecting [After Loss]

"No one told me it would be like this" . . . I'm sure this sentiment has crossed the minds of many parents. But as a parent who's now had a child after losing one, the thought still rings true. It's not like I feel resentment or contempt towards my new baby, it's just a sort of sadness I feel when I look into her eyes or watch her doing . . . well, pretty much anything and think "Dylan never got to do this". It's bittersweet. I'm sure it's not in any chapter of any book. I should be grateful and overjoyed that we have a new healthy baby, but there are times when thoughts of Dylan just leave me heavy-hearted. I know my emotions are heightened by the tragic combo of "postpartum blues" and having to celebrate the 1-year anniversary of Dylan's death at the same time. And I hope I'm not wrong for even thinking this way. I love my daughter dearly. I love my son dearly and miss him every day. It's just a surreal life to be living, that's all.

I can't believe the year that we've survived. I can't believe that the pain hasn't subsided; dulled, but never went away (and certainly never will). And Faith is no band-aid (boy, that's a loaded statement if I've ever heard one). Dylan will always have a part of my heart that no one else could ever replace.

Happy Birthday Dylan!

Regarding the 1-year anniversary of the day she was diagnosed with cancer, a friend recently wrote "Today is not a bad day, or a sad day, or a mad day. Its a tribute to the strength and fortitude to overcome a challenge. It's a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!"

I find myself inspired by her words. Although our circumstances are not the same, I've felt a similar "strength and fortitude" over the course of the past year that have gotten me through the roughest of days. In alot of ways, today was similar to everyday in the past year rolled into one. I woke up this morning by my cell phone bombarding me with texts, voicemails, and emails of family and friends all remembering with us and acknowledging the day. And though I could've easily stayed in bed and slept the day away, I didn't. I remembered those mornings in the first few months after Dylan's death that I spent just wanting to stay in bed.

But I didn't just stay in bed. I pressed on. We both did. As difficult as it was to do so without our amazing son, we did. Yes, it was challenging. And yes, some days were more difficult than others.

"Today is not a bad day." It's Dylan's birthday. And like anyone else's birthday, it's a celebration of his life, a celebration of him. There were times that I did find myself sad today, sad that Dylan's not here with us for this celebration. But it's still not a bad day or a mad day. It's Dylan's birthday. We just want to wish our precious son a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We love you and miss you dearly, with all our hearts. Thank you for the difference you've made in our lives; thank you for making us the best parents we could possibly be; thank you for gracing us with 6 beautiful days. May your celebration in Heaven be blessed with laughter and joy. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DYLAN!

Looming Over Me

In these days leading up to June 11th (Dylan's birthday), I am admittedly anxious and sad. Is it strange that we've come full-circle already by welcoming Dylan's baby sister into the world just 2 weeks ago? It's strange to me. We've been blessed with this beautiful bundle of joy in our lives, but a bit of it is overshadowed by this looming anniversary (not one that we'd particularly like to be celebrating but one that we obviously can't overlook as well). I pray that the strength that we've exhibited over the course of the past year will carry us over these difficult days ahead.